


Like Paint On A Wall

by Confusedhanyo



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide, inukag - Freeform, sesskagu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confusedhanyo/pseuds/Confusedhanyo
Summary: I am nobody.I am nothing.I am not the Shikon priestess who transcended time.I am barley myself.I am barely Kagome.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha, Kagura/Sesshoumaru (InuYasha)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Like Paint On A Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, this is my first fanfic and it’s gonna be a sad one so just a heads up! I’ve been very down about the sequel hanyo no Yashahime and decided to write this to kind of verbalize my sadness... hope you all like it. Thank you for reading! 💖
> 
> Typo’s fixed! 😊

“Kagome?” It took a while for her to realize who exactly was standing before her. Through watery eyes she could make out the purple mark that caressed his forehead, and just before she blinked her tears away, she could make out the outline of a woman. She was almost surprised, she would’ve gasped if not her solemn state. 

Her fists balled up on her lap, her mood darkened just by seeing his expression. Why did she have to see him or her or anybody form that past. She knew she couldn’t hang her head low forever, she wanted to though. 

Forever. 

Slowly she lifted her head and blinked away the tears. As she suspected, a older, calmer, softer, looking Sesshomaru lay before her. His eyes weren’t sharp like they used to be, they didn’t sting anymore, they didn’t banter or rejoice with when one who become so low. 

Before she knew it a woman was sitting beside her, giving her a tissue. She never thought she would be so gentle. Like the wind, Kagome thought. 

“Sesshomaru? Kagura?” 

Sesshomaru inclined his head “It has been some time, Miko” 

“Yes it has” Kagome said softly

“Kagome?” A hand reached up for her hers gently, Kagura’s soft hand caressed her balled up fist “it’s been so long, we haven’t seen you in ages, what’s wrong?” 

Soft. Her voice, her hand, the way she was speaking, was so gentle. Love does that to you. 

“He’s gone” 

Sesshomaru gazed at her looking for confirmation but upsettingly he knew the answer. But hoped it wasn’t true. God knows time has done him well, his heart is truly changed. 

“Inu...Inuyasha” Was all she could say a single tear rolling down her face. She fell to Kagura’s embrace. On the bench on a sunny day the wind and the moon brought her comfort. 

————————————————————————

“I’m sorry” Kagome said as she pulled out of Kagura’s arms, she wanted to run away. She didn’t want to be here a second longer, every trace of him and her brought back memories she didn’t want to relive. 

I don’t want to remember. I want to forget. 

Kagura gently tugged her arm “don’t apologize you have nothing to be sorry for” her voice was soft yet stern. Kagome gently smiled. She still has her fire. 

Where is my fire?  
Where has my smile gone?

“It was nice seeing you two”, Kagome said packing up her things getting ready to stand  
“I’ll be going, take care” before she could even begin to start walking. Sesshomaru gently grabbed her shoulder 

“Sesshomaru?” Kagome stared at him puzzlingly. “I will not leave my sister-in law in such a distressed state, if you don’t mind will you join us for dinner tonight?” 

Kagura stood up fire beaming in her eyes, she was cooking up something but Kagome didn’t know what. A gentle smile graced her lips and Kagura gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Yes, dinner tonight at our house, we have some little ones we want you to meet.” 

Kagome gasped. Touched by the offer, but she didn’t want to see children, she didn’t want to be faced with the reality that now that Inuyasha was gone. She would never be able to start a family of her own. 

“Little ones?” was all Kagome could say 

Sesshomaru softly smiled.

“Yes miko, you are a auntie” 

She looked at both Sesshomaru and Kagura’s eyes they stared at her as if they were pleading. They mean well, bless them she thought. But I can’t, I won’t. I can’t do this to myself. She opened her mouth to decline but before she knew it Kagura interrupted her with a quick squeeze of the hand. 

“It’s settled then! you will meet our kids, they will bore you to death about god knows what, and you will have dinner with us. Okay?” Kagura beamed at her gently squeezing her shoulder. 

“Okay” Kagome said barely a whisper.

“Good! Here’s our address, I trust you will find us well? Be there around 8:30, okay? I written the number down so you can call us if needed. Our kids are gonna love you I know it!” Kagura gave Kagome a gentle smile and pulled her into a hug. 

The wind is very gentle, but it is still ravenous. 

“See you soon, Miko” Sesshomaru said waving off. It was a promise. 

————————————————————————

Settling in the car, Kagura was the one that broke the silence. “She looked so sad sess” before she knew it Sesshomaru had his head down towards the steering wheel. 

I should’ve treated him better. 

I should’ve took care of him. 

I should’ve treated them both better. 

I am a fool. 

His thoughts were spiraling she knew that. 

“Sesshomaru, it’s not your fault, you were so different back then. We all were. Don’t blame yourself” she took the pad of her thumb and gently caressed his gripped hand. 

“I do. I do blame myself. I didn’t even know. I didn’t even think to check up on him.” His grip getting stronger, he didn’t know he was tearing the leather of the wheel. 

“Sesshomaru, please?” She hugged him from the side. “You have changed so much, you are not that person anymore” 

He would’ve never thought he would feel grief. But he did, a price to pay for a changed heart. 

————————————————————————

Kagome groaned as she plopped down on her bed. “I don’t want to dammit!!” She kicked her purse across the hall, angry and tired. Her heart bruised. “Out of all people, why them!” It’s hopeless. No one was listening. “I want to die.” 

She meant it.

She sank lower into the bed curling up her arms gripping each other as if she were a small child. She placed a single hand on his side. His pillow. “You should be here” she softly whispered. All she could do was cry. 

She looked at the clock already 5:30 and she was tired. Wanting to forget she ever saw their faces. Wanting to forget their address. Wanting to forget the way Kagura held her. Wanting to forget the way Sesshomaru’s eyes matched her feelings. They looked both earnest. Sad for me? 

I am nobody.  
I am nothing.  
I am not the Shikon priestess who transcended time.  
I am barley myself.  
I am barely Kagome. 

“I don’t want to go Inuyasha” She gazed at a picture she saved of them when they went on a date. The way his eyes were twinkling in the sun as he gazed upon her always gave her butterfly’s. She remembered the way he laughed when she spilled mustard on her shirt. The way he stuck his nose up at cotton candy and the way he cuddled her when they were gazing at the stars. 

“Please don’t make me go” 

———————————————————————

She straightened her jacket before knocking, she was nervous but couldn’t understand why. They are different she thought. Times have changed. She let out a hard sigh. The door opens. Cracked open she could see the light from the hallway. She didn’t want to barge in but she didn’t want to be late. Peaking her head around she found the adorable toes of a white hair girl. Red eyes like her mama. She has fire too. 

Kagome bent down as she closed the door behind her. The girl didn’t look scared but looked at her questioningly. “Hello, my name is Kagome what’s your name cutie?” She put out her hand and the girl used her pinky to slightly tug. “Towa” the girl beamed at her. Before she knew it the girl was yanking her hand “Come in Kagome! Mommy and daddy is making dinner!” She placed her coat on the coat rack beside the door. I am not ready for this. She was not ready. 

As she walked into the living room she saw Kagura chopping onions and Sesshomaru reading a book to a black hair girl. Funny she thought, she looked just like him. Sesshomaru gazed up from the book he was reading, a warm welcoming smile fell upon his face. He doubted she would come. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she didn’t. 

“Sorry for barging in” 

“It’s quite alright” Sesshomaru said placing down the book. He pulled the the black hair girl into to crook of his arm. “Father I want to continue reading” Kagome couldn’t help but smile. The child sounded just like her father. She bit back a giggle. “I have a guest I want you to meet, is that okay with you little one?” The girl gazed at her, purple eyes and a red steak in her hair. Quite the little family Kagome thought. The girl rolled her eyes “I suppose” 

Kagome giggled softly under her breath as Sesshomaru brought the girl down beside him. 

“Setsuna, this is Kagome. Your aunt” the girl looked bored and impassive looking like she wanted little to do with the conversation.  
“This Setuna is pleased to meet you” 

Kagome snorted. “I’m sorry” Kagome said patting at her newly red cheeks. “It’s just she acts so much like yo-“ 

“So much like her father doesn’t she” Kagura said laughing. Kagura approached Kagome placing a single onion in her hand. “Care to help me?” 

“Okay” before she could join Kagura in the kitchen Towa tugged at her hand “but I want to play with you!” Kagome bent down so she was at eye level. “I know you want to play with me but mommy wants me to help her make dinner, I promise I’ll play with you a little later, okay?” She couldn’t help but bop her nose gently.  
Towa eyes lit up once again. “Okay!” Towa embraced her with a quick force to her stomach. Strong like both of them. Free like her. 

“Cmon setsuna! Let’s go play!” Running up the stairs she couldn’t help but laugh as setsuna walked slow strides towards the door. Just like her father. 

Heading towards the kitchen she noted that Kagura looked at her so earnestly. She has lost too. Walking over to the second cutting board that lay across the table she begin cutting the onion slicing it diagonal. Not wanting to make it awkward for the both of them she decided to strike up a conversation. Internally she was groaning. “Um... smells great, what are we having?” Kagura opened a shimmering pot of alfredo sauce and chicken. “It’s Sess’s favorite” 

Kagome bit back another giggle. “Something amusing?” Sesshomaru said teasingly heading towards the kitchen. “It’s just that, I remember when Rin told me the story of when she offered you human food and you tuned her down” 

There was silence for a moment. His shoulders began to tense and his smile faltered. Panicking she turned around to face him. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to bring her up!”

Sesshomaru gave her a broken smile. He was hurting too. 

“It’s alright” 

Kagome couldn’t help but feel foolish. Out of all things why would She bring her up. I’m such a idiot. “It took some time but there was a day when she offered me something. “Not wanting to let her down, I obliged her.” He was looking through her as if caught up in another time. His smile whimpering. Wanting to distract herself from her foolery she asked “what was it?” 

“A apple”  
softly smiling “well, did you like it?” 

“It... was adequate” 

His gazed returned to her no longer looking through her. She could tell he had questions of his own. About her husband she thought. It was fair. 

“That’s a beautiful story Sesshomaru, thank you for telling me” 

“You are welcome” 

Kagura went over to Sesshomaru and placed a soft kiss on his forehead before turning to her.

“Dinner’s almost ready, can you help set the table?” Kagura looked sad. It was to much loss in that room. 

“Okay” 

————————————————————————

They talked about many things and nothing at all. His life as a father, his job, her life as a mother, her life as busy entrepreneur. Kagome loved their stories. They suited each other. But she knew the questions would come. She was holding back. They knew that. 

“What about yourself Kagome? Where do you work” Kagura said taking a sip of her wine. Kagome blushed she was not certain why. “I’m a...healer... reiki healer” 

Kagura beamed at her, smile widening. “That suits you” 

“Thank you” Kagome said tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“He was a good man” snapped from her thoughts, Sesshomaru was staring at her. Guilt. She knew he was feeling guilty. 

“He was” she took a small sip of her wine. 

“He would’ve loved the twins, very much” kagome said. This time she was looking through him. Through both of them. 

“He would’ve been a great uncle, that much for certain” Kagura said placing her palm over Kagome’s hand. 

“He didn’t think to contact me?” Sesshomaru said trying to keep his voice steady. He already knew the answer. 

“Um... he didn’t think, you...cared” Kagome said her eyes adverting his gaze.

“I see....” 

“Yeah” 

“He was quite the hot head, I would not of had turned him away” 

“I think he knew that” 

His heart was shattering. 

Her’s was already there. 

“Before he passed, he wanted to talk to you about things, he told me he didn’t want a strain to be there between you two anymore, he tried to hide it... A ghost of a smile grazed her lips. “But he cared” 

“We would’ve found a way”  
———————————————————————  
Her eyes were glassy, all she could do was trace the outline of her hand. 

It was beginning to get late and she knew she couldn’t take anymore. As she reached for her coat. They approached her by the door. 

“You always have a home here Kagome, you are our family” Kagura said pulling her into a hug. 

“Thank you” 

Sesshomaru gave her weary smile. “If you need anything, feel free to call us” he squeezed her gently. 

“Okay” she lied. He knew that.  
She stepped outside. The chill air taunting her. She could bare this no longer.

————————————————————————

As the door closed behind her. Kagura pulled him into her arms. “This is hard on all of us, don’t hide it” He encircled his arms around her pulling her closely. “She has lost hope, Kagura  
She barely looked at me... I remind her of him”  
Kagura kissed his cheek “we will be there for her, we need this Sess, how many people have we lost before she showed up. This is a blessing.” 

“Perhaps...But i do not think she wants a reminder” 

“Well, she will find her way, we are not going anywhere”

He sighed. They weren’t but he knew she was wandering.  
————————————————————————  
Weeks have passed and there were frequent phone calls and visits. Kagome would stay over to watch the twins while, the two were out in town or running errands. She didn’t mind it. It distracted her from her grief. But it still made her weary.

“They are so beautiful” Kagome said smiling at Kagura as she watched the twins sleeping. “They are, I love my girls so much”  
Kagome placed a blanket over them quietly. 

“They love you too Kagome”  
————————————————————————  
In the darkness of her room is where she found solace. She hasn’t eaten in two days, her eyes red she could barely look herself in the mirror. As she begin to get up she heard the buzzing of her phone. She hasn’t answered them for two weeks and knew they were worried. She didn’t want to care anymore. She didn’t want to look at their faces, she didn’t want to look at him. His golden gaze reflected back at her the same gaze she could not reach. 

Inuyasha  
Inuyasha  
Inuyasha 

Was all she could think about. She was at her limit. She was tired of fighting with her pain. 

————————————————————————

“Something is wrong Kagura, I can feel it” Sesshomaru said finding his way to the door

“We have to find her” Kagura’s eyes widened 

“you don’t think... she would...” 

“Yes” 

Grabbing Tenseiga only reinforced what her worried mind was thinking. 

“Come, we must find her” 

They both rushed out the door. 

Searching. 

————————————————————————

Perched on a hill that was high enough to make anyone weary, she was seething. She was raging. She was ready. “I’m coming to you Inuyasha” she choked out, hot tears streaming down her face. Her arms folded around herself and squeezed. “I can’t do it anymore, I tried” she shook her head violently and fell to her knees. Screaming. 

“WHY!?”  
she was barely at the edge, she was not afraid. Shaking and sobbing she could hardly feel that they were near. If her spiritual powers weren’t doormat she would’ve sensed them.

He was running. They were scared. 

“Kagome!” Sesshomaru shouted. She slowly raised her head, the look of defeat in her eyes. He edged closer.  
“Please... stay away from me” she choked out. 

“We... I....cannot do that” his hand was out almost trying to tell her to grab hold. 

She edged closer. 

“Kagome please think about this! This is not the way!” Kagura shouted. Her eyes were pleading. Her fire was burning. 

“Don’t you two understand... I’m going to go see him” she said half sobbing. 

“Kagome! He would not want you to do this.” His breathe was ragged. His hands were shaking. His voice cracking. 

“I know” her legs were dangling now. 

“I will catch you, I will not let you” 

“No... you won’t” she could feel her reiki raising, she would not have them take away her only means to escape. She closed her eyes a pink glow began to surround her. A barrier only she could breach. Her power at it’s peak. 

“Kagome! Please we love you! Setsuna, Towa, us!” Kagura shouted hot tears falling from her face

Kagome could barely hear. Her eyes fixated on her welcoming end. 

“Kagome!” Sesshomaru shouted. Pounding at the barrier. Feral like a dog. His eyes red, drenched with sadness. “Please!” He could not get through. 

She turned to them. Her gaze fixed on their pleading eyes. “I’m coming... Inuyasha” 

“NO!” 

Kagome lay out her arms and jumped. The last of a smile ghosting her lips. 

He couldn’t get to her in time.  
She was nothing more but paint on a wall. 

———————————————————————  
The sun shining, birds chirping, a uniform she knew all to familiar, she crawled out a well. His eyes met hers. “Inu..Inuyasha!” She ran into his arms and fell into his embrace. 

“Kagome.” He said stroking her cheek. 

“You idiot.”


End file.
